


Heart of the Matter

by BelleRed20



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelleRed20/pseuds/BelleRed20
Summary: I can imagine these two stubborn lovelies would need to have this kind of conversation regarding their relationship. And love confessions are my jam. Just some more inner workings /ramblings/dialogue about what truly matters for my two fav characters (each other) and I would kill to see this sort of thing on my screen. *sigh* if only. And this is HELLA long...but stick with it....it's totally worth it.Bellamy confronts Clarke after a bonfire in Sanctum, no longer able to hold back his frustration regarding his and hers status, a confrontation of the sort takes place. Will they get to the heart of the matter? Only time will tell.Comments and Kudos make me smile ;)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Kudos: 64





	Heart of the Matter

Clarke wasn't sleeping anymore, Bellamy could definitely tell. There were dark circles underneath her eyes and her face was a shade paler around her cheekbones. They were all currently sitting around a roaring fire Miller had started hours ago, surrounded by their closest friends. They were chatting amongst each other happily, soaking in some laughter and good food; a well deserved break after everything they had been through and survived. At this point he was just waiting her out. Waiting for the moment to make his move. To confront Clarke Griffin head on. 

  
He all but senses the moment Clarke shifts to stand up to leave. Looking over at her from where heʼs sitting on the wooden log. It's as though she is the strongest of magnets, where she goes, he must follow. Nodding in the general direction of Emori and Raven, she issues her last goodbyes and farewells of the night. Bellamy waits a couple of minutes before standing up himself, following her close behind. Trying to make it seem not so obvious that he is following her lead. But he’s sure people have noticed their dynamic recently- gossiped behind their backs- anyone could plainly see how weird it’s gotten between the two of them. He wanted some answers. Things were not okay between him and Clarke. They needed to desperately talk. Tonight. They were figuring this out tonight.

  
Walking back she breathed in a heavy sigh. It was so quiet in Sanctum, she could hear the shuffling of her own feet, feel the cool breeze on her skin, the sound of her own breaths. If she was honest, she really missed him. And she was tired. She just wanted to go back to the house, wrap herself in a blanket and re-emerge in the morning. Clarke felt his strong presence behind her before she even heard a sound. She closed her eyes. "How long are we going to do this?!" Bellamy rounded the tight corner of the worn down building he knew she used as a short cut. He slightly startles her with his deep voice. She turns around to see him moving briskly towards her, long strides with a serious look of determination. If it was anyone else approaching her with such ferocity, it would initiate a response, cause her to quill up like a porcupine and brace herself for impact. But it’s not, it’s him. He's talking as if he can't even really hear her. Babbling under his breath hurriedly, like he himself can't even believe he broached the topic with her. She's been waiting for this to happen in some shape or form for a while now. Months, in fact. Bellamy has of course chosen tonight of all nights to confront her about it.   
"Because I'm fed up... Iʼm done " he tells her forcefully, getting right up in her face. She can feel the warm puff of breath on her lips causing her skin to prickle despite his confrontational demeanor. "You're what?!" she asks sharply. An incredulous glare appearing on her face. Her eyebrows crinkled together in frustration. 

  
"Yeah. Really done. I am done Clarke. Done pretending, running, hiding, tiptoeing around, and making excuses for what Iʼm feeling. I'm done skirting this issue with you. Why does it seem like I've somehow lost my best friend” he says solemnly.  
"Bellamy, who ever said that?" gasps Clarke, her expression horrified.

"No one” he mutters.

"So- why?"

  
"Doesn't matter okay. It's how you make me feel now, how I've been feeling Clarke” he presses.

Clarke brings her fingertips to her forehead, her nose touching her suddenly clammy palm, mouth concealed by her hand. She shakes her head and lets out an exasperated sigh, raising her eyes to find Bellamy's hurt and angry gaze staring back at her.  
"Bellamy, stop" she whispers still shaking her head. Panic flares in her chest as he backs away from her. "No! Please stop thinking that” she proclaims more forcefully this time, moving toward him, her hand outstretched.

“Then what are we honestly doing Clarke?” he questions.  
Bellamy seems like he is about to leave the building, leave her standing there, when a sudden look of anger and hurt blooms across his face. Why was this so difficult for them? What was she doing? What was he doing?  
A demand, a plea, a cry of some form balls up tight in Clarke's chest, threatening to explode out of her. She has to stop him thinking this way. She has to straighten him out once and for all.  
But he simply closes the door of the building firmly until the latch pops into place with a resounding click, and then he turns back to face her. With a look only reserved for battle- that much she can see.   
"Start talking" roughly pulling out a stool and indicating for her to sit.

Clarke stares at his polite yet forceful gesture. "Maybe here isn't the right place to" Clarke begins to relinquish. Feeling uneasy- out of her comfort zone. "Start talking" he repeats the demand a second time, his voice low and deadly, and oh god, what has she done to this kind-hearted, generous, beautiful man. How did they find themselves in this fractured place?  
Clarke being mostly compliant out of nervous energy takes the stool he has offered her and sits down opposite of him. Bellamy calmly waits for her to be seated and then takes the opposite stool to hers and plops down in it, one hand raking through his hair roughly.

  
"I" Clarke utters. She shakes her head, looks downs at her clasped hands not sure exactly where to begin. She couldn't dare look at Bellamy. She had been avoiding him, not ready to face off about the status of the two of them. She knew he deserved more, deserved to know the truth. “I'm not sure where you want me to start Bellamy?" she asks uncertainly peering up at him quickly for some guidance. She couldn’t quite place the look on his face. It was perhaps a blend of irritation, pain, and sadness.

"Wherever you want Clarke. But we're doing this tonight. We're doing this tonight and then-" Bellamy breaks off and shrugs. "And then?" asks Clarke desperately.  
"Then I guess itʼs make or break time," he mutters slowly running his fingers behind the back of his neck trying to relieve the aching pressure. This conversation, which has been back building for some time, was stressing him out to no end. Clarke and him hadn't even begun to skim the surface of what was honestly at the heart of the matter.

  
"You talk and then we take whichever route is left Clarke.You owe me at least that much” Bellamy says reluctantly.  
The silence that follows this proclamation is deafening and uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. How did they get here? For all the progress they've made recently and for all the time Clarke spent recovering from everything that transpired in Sanctum and beyond, to losing her mother, and healing old wounds- he was positive they were on the right track. They were making large strides towards forgiving themselves. But then a switch had flipped. Clarke once again was shutting down, spending time alone- basking in silence. She started ignoring her own feelings because that was easier. Shutting him out was easier than letting him in. Bellamy couldn't for the life of him understand what he had done wrong? Even now, she is still not comfortable being silent with him, not when there is this big of an issue hanging over them. She makes a soft noise under her breath. 

  
"I'm waiting" Bellamy whispers.  
His prompt is quiet too, controlled, but no less stern and uncompromising. It seems everything is weighing on what she says next, and usually she is good when the pressure is on, when everyone is asking her to solve monstrous problems. That's when Clarke brings her A game, saves the day, takes down evil.  
Only Bellamy isn't the bad guy and this isn't enemy territory. The monstrous problem at hand was her own heart. Clarke wanted to have this talk, it was antagonizing her for weeks, but she needed him to take the initiative for this long overdue discussion to happen. She couldn't bring herself to make the leap, she was tired of being the one to fix everything. Solve the problems first. So she waited. It was then Clarke realized this area of the building was not shielded from passerby’s ....nor soundproofed for that matter, and she knows that gossip will fly around the camp at a thousand paces so...

  
"I will talk, I'll answer any questions you have, Bellamy" Clarke says quietly.  
"Good" Bellamy states briskly.  
"But not here" Clarke pleaded. "I'll talk, gladly. It's...it's time. You're right. But not here."

  
He glares at her from under his eyelashes, his nerves frayed, muscles jumping under his clothes. Because he had to really work himself up to even get to this point. He went over how this conversation would play out again and again in his mind, how he would address this issue with her and demand anything- let alone this. A showdown of sorts, an explanation that will be the absolute making or breaking of them.  
He has crossed a line tonight and it will take everything in his soul not to cross back over to the other side, the safe, silent, tortured side, where he lets her off the hook, smoothing things over with a quip or a smile. Simply turning a cheek to remain living in her orbit, telling himself that is enough. Because itʼs not enough, Bellamy thinks he deserves more. Bellamy wants more. He needs more.

"Bellamy, let's just go somewhere more private" Clarke implores with a look of desperation in her eyes. She sees the moment he gives into her request for a change of venue, watching him deflate like a balloon with a puncture hole.

  
"Fine" he mutters. Scrubbing his hands down his beard, sighing loudly, and standing up from the stool. Angrily placing his chair back in place.  
"Let's go back to my house, I'll let Madi know we need some privacy... she can stay with Raven" Clarke says softly. Hoping that would alleviate Bellamy's look of defeat from around his eyes. “That's fine. But we're doing this" he adds, parting a shot of warning before they leave the relative privacy of the dark building. She nods slowly. Walking forward. Thatʼs the only direction they could go. Forward. 

  
"Ready?" Clarke asks calmly.  
Clarke's voice is light, casual, and unassuming as it wafts around him, alerting him to the fact that she has herself back under control again. Bellamy's heart sinks like a stone. He was betting on his element of surprise when he followed her after their bonfire tonight. Now that he has lost that advantage, all he can do is trust her. He suddenly hates having to rely on his partner for his fate. Seems that Clarke Griffin isn't the only good liar around here.  
She peers up catching a glance in his direction, watching his face in the soft street lamp glow of Sanctum. He has defeat and betrayal etched in the lines that run by his mouth, a mix of worry behind his eyes. She can cope with anything but his disappointment- his disappointment in her- and suddenly she's extremely grateful he is actually here, by her side. Like always. She needs to prove that to him. She can do better.

  
"You...you caught me listening the night you broke things off with her" she finally says, gnawing on her lip once the words are out there. She thought maybe he had seen her that night, watched her dart away from the fence where Echo and him decided to have that discussion. She honestly did not mean to be near the fence that night in the first place- she was searching for something Madi had misplaced when she nearly stumbled upon them- Or better yet watched them full on break up. There was a definite change in his mood when he decided to rejoin the group after their fallout days later, but that was nearly six months ago. Things were different now. Time moved on. Time always moves on.

"So...you've just decided to ignore me since then Clarke?" he says caustically. "You've ignored me for the past six months because you think I caught you listening to us break up?” “Is that it?" he asks her, clearly annoyed.  
Clarke blows out a breath, panic clawing at her insides. She feels as if she's losing him. "No" she bites back. "I owe you an explanation Bellamy, I know youʼre still mad..about...everything" she admits. 

"You don't owe me anything Clarke" he spits reflexively.  
"Bellamy, that's not - I owe you my life- in so many ways" Clarke utters. Literal and figurative.  
They cross the path and head closer towards the house Clarke now calls home. The silence between them gnaws at Clarke until she can't take it anymore. "Bellamy, I'm sorry. I should have talked to you...explained some things. But time went on and we fell back into our same patterns that we are familiar with- I wasnʼt sure...” she falters. She's no good at this - apologizing, explaining herself, talking about her feelings.  
"I imagine that gets tricky" he interjects, surprising her, since sheʼs come to expect only grunts, annoyance, and brooding silence from him tonight. "I can see how silence might be preferable to...how would you put it?" he asks looking directly at her once they reach the top stairs of the porch. "Letting someone down gently?"

  
(Oh, oh no, oh no no no), Clarke grabs for Bellamy's arm, roughly pushing him towards her. "Okay, you have to STOP and listen to me" she demands. Her cheeks blushing at the boldness of her actions. He had to understand where she was coming from. He was misunderstanding the situation between them entirely.  
"Clarke, that's where you're wrong. I don't need to do anything" Bellamy said frustrated- at wits end with her apparently. "I thought you said you wanted to know the truth Bellamy?" Clarke implores. He looks at her sharply, blinking rapidly, his eyes softening the barest fraction and something closer to a plea comes barreling out instead.

"Please," he whispers hoarsely. "That's all I've wanted for months" says the voice of a man so in love that he can't control or outrun it.  
"Well, follow me up these stairs then, come inside and let me explain" Clarke pushes. Bellamy decides to follow Clarke inside the house- because really what else was left for him to do. He would follow Clarke to the end of the galaxy if she needed him to. He was so desperately wanting to understand why she was shutting him out- putting up a wall between the two of them. Once inside Clarke grabbed two large mugs down from the top of the kitchen shelf. Filling his cup to the brim with hot tea that she steeped on the stove. "Here, drink this" she said quickly- not meeting his eyes. Bellamy accepted the warm mug from her hands and waited for a much needed explanation. "Clarke why?" he asks. “What did I do?” he pleaded with her.

  
"My mom... Bellamy". Those two words shut him right up. Bellamy is the only one she has shared her personal history with and whether that's because he pushes her or because she trusts him, he is uncertain. But he knows which answer he prefers. He feels the weight of responsibility every time she shares another little fragment of herself with him. "Go on," he encourages her.

"I'm terrified to open up to someone.....especially someone I really care about..." Clarke peers up at him over her mug of tea. Bellamy finally thinks he understands why Clarke has been ignoring him like some kind of plague. Because she is deathly afraid of losing him...again. Losing one more person she loves. She wouldn't be able to mentally handle it- process it.  
"Clarke, of all people I completely understand what youʼre feeling" he says. 

Bellamy is trying to get through to her. To make her see that he understands the pain. Clarke pauses to look at him again, swaying towards him so their shoulders are touching briefly. "You've seen me up close when I start to spiral ...enough to know..." Clarke implies.  
"That sometimes you need saving from yourself? Yeah...I've seen that Clarke" Bellamy states matter of factually. 

"So, I ran away to lick my wounds...again....by myself. Trying so hard to forget..almost everything" Clarke admits.

"And by everything you mean? " Bellamy questions.  
"Sanctum, the Lightbourneʼs, my fears, my demons... you...mostly you." She looks at him sheepishly. She bites her lip and drags her eyes around the room waiting for Bellamy to understand her sacrifice.  
"I see" he murmurs slowly turning away from her until his back is behind the island that was in between them- literally and figuratively- distancing himself a few paces from her. Clarke was now staring in his direction willing him to understand why she did what she did for these past months. Bellamy steals a glimpse at her, his jaw so stiff it looks painful. “Bellamy, just turn around and face me” she murmurs. He turns around slowly and meets her eyes. Practically begging her not to break his heart. Worry written all over his face. A look that she put there. She needed to fix this. 

Bellamy releases a deep sigh from his chest, staring at her.

  
"I'm in love with you” she quickly blurts out looking at him with a stunned look of shear relief, the words she longed to say to him finally escaping her mouth. “Hopelessly in love. Madly in love. But I can't lose you. I can't lose you too" Clarke admits- crinkling her eyebrows together agonizingly. Closing her eyes at the truth that she has been so utterly afraid to admit, ignoring it entirely- keeping him at bay for a wildly stupid reason, a reason she didn't let him in on. Bellamy didn't understand how she could think like this. They were supposed to be partners. A team.  
"Why Clarke, you took something from me!" he outright yells at her. Clarke startles taking an involuntary step back from his thunderous roar. The way the sound booms out of his chest and into hers. She was not expecting this reaction. "I-" she falters for a second in the face of his startling response to the words she had longed to say to him. He cups his head in his hands as if in physical pain. "All that time....you let me think" he rails, his voice cracking, turning in a tight circle as her confession hits him over and over again.

  
"I was trying to keep you ALIVE" she yells back reflexively. Trying to make him understand her reasoning for her decisions.  
"Clarke, do you think for a second that I can LIVE without you! he roars back in her direction. "I kept thinking I did something wrong. I thought we were finally on the same page about everything. Do you know how hard it was to sit back and watch your best friend slowly slip away from you? I knew things were different between us when I came back down from space with our friends. But we have been making our way back to each other...or so I thought" Bellamy anguished.

Clarke couldn't stop staring at the intensity behind his eyes.

“Do you even understand how much I need you?!” Bellamy profoundly reveals, staring deep into her eyes. “Do you?” he questions. "You are the first thing I think about when my eyes open and the last thing when they close. You mean everything to me" he asserts.

There were tears in Clarke's eyes now, Bellamy was a blurry outline in front of her. She takes a breath to try to say something..anything. " I had to Bellamy" she whispers desperately. Her words instantly drowned out when Bellamy dives back in again for more. Ripping the bandage off completely.

  
"After everything you and I have gone through Clarke? So you were traumatized. We all are. We are all broken. We could have worked through it together. But no, you stole that time away from me" Bellamy accuses. "YOU made that decision for me Clarke, without me, left me thinking that you don't give a damn...left me feeling I wasn't enough anymore....left me....to believe” he trailed off angrily.

  
Clarke swallows around the pain of his threatening tears. "You were right Bellamy. When you approached me that night to talk things over, a few weeks after you ended things with Echo. And I got scared...I was hiding. You accused me of running from what we are. And you are right. I was trying so hard to fall out of love with you..." Clarke confesses emotionally. Her hand shaking holding the mug of tea to her body a little closer for support. Thinking of that day she decided to officially shut him out, for the debilitating fear of losing him again. 

"Bellamy I wanted to see you so badly, talk to you about everything, but we had seriously fallen out of our rhythm somehow. By that point, that's just how things were for us. Remember? You were my best friend. I told you everything" Clarke pleaded with him. Tears enveloping her eyes.

  
"You don't think I understand that kind of pain Clarke? He was getting angrier with her by the second. His face turning a deep shade of red. Iʼm sorry if you donʼt remember this but I was there when we pulled the lever together in Mount Weather. Do you remember that feeling? I was there when you left me and our people behind at Camp Jaha. I was there after being stabbed in the leg and taken away by Roan to try and save you. Remember that pain Clarke? I was THERE when I arrived in Polis and begged you to come back to Arkadia with me. I was THERE when you shock lashed me in order to escape by yourself after fully interrogating me about the grounder army. And I was THERE when I left you stranded on Earth while we narrowly escaped the death wave. He was rattling on now trying to make her see how important he was to her- that he was there with her through it all. By her side. Their mutual pain shared. Clarke could do nothing but stand there in shock listening to him yell at her. Eyes transfixed on his. Unyielding. She stopped breathing for a moment.

  
"No, no I take that back I wasn't there for quite everything," he cuts in, throwing her a wounded look. "I never heard your radio calls you left me for 2,199 days" he turns away from her face and looks down ashamed. Tears rolling down his cheeks now. Bellamy is sniffling loudly, holding back more tears. “But I know what that kind of pain feels like Clarke” he finishes. Clarke's eyes are glued to his. She wants to make this better somehow. She has a powerful urge to make this right. He deserved to know the whole truth. 

  
"Do you have any idea how terrifying a prospect it was to risk everything we had on the off-chance that we would make it? That we could be more...that you wanted more?" she disclosed. "The off-chance? Jesus Clarke" spits Bellamy, glancing over his shoulder angrily. He brings his hand to the back of his neck gripping his flesh, willing himself to calm down after glancing her way. “You had to know I was in love with you..."

  
“HOW Bellamy! scolding him. How was I to know you felt the same, you showed up with someone else after six years ...so how was I to know?” she pleads. Now it was Bellamyʼs turn to stare at her in bitter denial. Because she was right. How was she to know just how much he loved her, how consumed with her he was, when every sign led her to thinking the opposite. “You just said you THOUGHT we had a slim chance of making things work between us?” Do you still feel like that Clarke...hmm...do you think that is what's happening here?" he begs her. Knowing full well she was right. He was not clear about his feelings when he arrived back on Earth. They had managed to ignore their desperate attraction completely. Bellamy clenched his fist on the counter top closest to him, looking down longingly. The mistakes he wished he could remedy. Clarke couldn't move a muscle. Everything he was saying was true. She was staring into his eyes. "We are still Breathing Clarke, we're alive... you hear me." Bellamy remorsefully states. “I would move heaven and earth for you Clarke, you know this” he states pleadingly. Clarke knew that Bellamy was right. She knew that he was her mirror, reflecting back to her the aspects within herself that were holding her back from being her true self, knowing truthfully what they had was stronger together. He needed to know that he made her feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece was missing from the puzzle that was her heart. Why was that so hard for her to say? 

“I just want to know why you are shutting me out?” Bellamy solemnly asks.  
“I know you want this as much as I do” he needs to hear her say it. He needs to see her face when she realizes she can no longer fight it, run from it. “Clarke, you want us, I know you do” he urges. 

“I just don’t want to lose anyone else in my life” she proclaims looking his direction nervously. This statement didn't sit well with Bellamy. He was making progress, drilling down further to find out what was holding her back from being with him. Bellamy had fallen in love with all of Clarke's flaws, accepted them, learned to love her imperfections. He learned to accept both the great and awful tendencies that they both had in this relationship. He was here for her, he never left her. “What ARE.WE.DOING.CLARKE?” Bellamy moves in closer to her proximity. He can see that her hands are shaking like a leaf now, her breathing erratic. 

Clarke pleads with him behind her own unshed tears. This admission only fuels more unrest in Bellamy. Making him shake with pent up emotion. Wanting to resolve all lingering issues surrounding them. Wanting to expose all the trauma. 

  
"YOU LEFT ME TO DIE IN POLIS CLARKE!" Bellamy all but shouts. His words seething with anger. Clearly that was the main issue that was still haunting him- haunting them. The two ton elephant in the room they both haven't talked about. His face inches from her own. “AND YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST BELLAMY!" she bites back furiously. 

Bellamy stares at her wide eyed. Unmoving. Chest heaving. Breathing deep. 

They had both forgiven each other for their actions but it was still so hard to forget.

  
"YOU DON'T THINK I tear myself up about that decision EVERY SINGLE DAY Bellamy!" Clarke emotionally wails. She's full on crying now. The veins in her forehead protruding. Her chest a blotchy red smattering from holding in the anger. This conversation was off the hinges- the emotional rails- they both could feel it.They were both trying to understand all the messy details that transpired between them in the past- the years of mishaps and missteps that have gotten them to where they are now. Clarke sets her mug down on the island forcefully. Sighing loudly. 

  
"I poisoned my own SISTER for you Clarke" Bellamy admits softly. Looking down at his own mug of tea "Because, that's what partners do...no...it's more than that actually ...that's what lovers do...." Bellamy replies, brusquely, trying to brush off his act of heroism or score another point in this battle of regretful sins.

  
Clarke carries on as if she hasn't heard that last part, because she knows he is lashing out at her because heʼs vehemently hurting. "I just wanted you to stay alive Bellamy, that's all I've ever wanted" Clarke says defeated.

  
"Yea? How's that working out for you? Because I know how it's worked out for me" Bellamy says bitterly. Looking in her direction.  
"It's not! And you know it's not. Life, fate, the Universe ..whatever...keeps throwing us together in these insane life or death situations. And I meant what I said earlier tonight around the campfire. Everything we've gone through these past months has made me think about all the things in my life that I've been putting off...that I I I regret not doing" Clarke stammers. “But everyone I love dies in my arms.. and I canʼt... I wonʼt..” Clarke cries. Pinching her eyes together tightly, holding back more threatening tears.

  
Bellamy feels a sorrow that he's having trouble placing. He had just heard the words from Clarke he's dreamed of hearing- that she loved him, was hopelessly in love with him. But everything was still wrong. He's not sure if its her use of the past tense that's eating him alive more or the fact she has admitted deciding she would be better off denying those feelings, both to herself, and to him.  
“We are going to have to start trusting each other again somehow Clarke” he stares at her wistfully, Clarke was in large part, coping, aside from this horrible ordeal with him, had dealt with a maelstrom of competing emotions. But now that she had exposed her deepest regrets, she wanted to fix what she had done. That's what Clarke is good at, fixing things. She was brave enough. 

She shakes her head at all the ways she screwed this up- thinking, in her own imperfect world that she was sparing him pain and keeping him safe when she all but cut him out of her life completely. Ignored him- when in reality she made him feel utterly abused, taken for granted, rejected, not to mention putting herself through a heap of unnecessary misery.

  
Clarke can feel the heated tension coming off of Bellamy in waves. Clarke drops her head in her hands briefly, gazing with unseeing eyes down at her mug. Touching the sides with her hands- feeling the warmth through her fingers. When she looks up again, Bellamy is staring at her with such longing on his face that she finds she can't deny him any explanation any longer.

  
And just like that, it's as if their anger was fuel- burned up - spent- between the flash bang of their heated argument. Exhaustion and something that could be considered defeat or acceptance settles quietly between them.  
"I'm throwing my white flag Bellamy" Clarke whispers. "Clarke I just want to understand what were doing here?" Do you want this? Do you want me?" Bellamy questions. "Because I clearly can't live with or without you anymore" he states freely. She takes a beat before she responds. 

  
"I haven't had to rely on anyone since I was a little girl Bellamy, I am an only child-you know this" Clarke states. “Can you imagine how it feels when you come to rely on someone so heavily?" Clarke admits with the purest glance of sincerity. Wiping the tears from her cheekbones. 

  
"Yes, Clarke I do. It's a pretty scary feeling. Because I have that feeling when I'm with you" Bellamy admits softly. "Do you have any idea how angry that makes me? How upset?" he begs. “How downright terrified I am of losing you?” he says. “This works both ways Clarke- love works both ways” he firmly placates in her direction.

  
Clarke nods slowly, "I am starting to understand that, I am so sorry for hurting you” she admits ashamed, her words laced with lingering fear.

  
"We could have done this together Clarke, I could have helped you" roaming her face with wary eyes.  
They are crossing so many lines tonight, freely trading truths back and forth. It feels liberating and terrifying at the same time. He almost expects her to shut down or flee at any second if he says the wrong thing. Whatever it is, he keeps forging on, pushing her for answers and himself to offer up the truth.

  
"I was running away Bellamy, I've never run away from anything in my life" she says desperately.

  
"So why run then, Hmmm? “he pushes, anger making his pulse pound. But his emotions are relatively calmer than they were a few seconds ago. She can see that.  
"You're much harder to forget than I anticipated, I hadn't realized just how much being apart from you really, truly affected me" she admits. "Trying to forget the one thing you can't stop thinking about gets to be exhausting" she faintly smiles sipping at her tea briefly for a calm reassurance. She continues barreling forward with her truth. "There is no excuse Bellamy, I hurt the most important person in my life. And like you said we can never get that time back" she utters.

  
"Well, for what itʼs worth Clarke, I appreciate you being so honest with me tonight" Bellamy faintly smiles in her direction.   
"You're welcome, its long overdue" she firmly states nodding in his direction.

  
"So, what happens now?" Bellamy asks, with a lift of his eyebrows.  
"That's really up to you" she whispers back. They pause, facing one another, the weight of everything said and unsaid swirling between them like a vortex.  
"No, you have to tell me with your actual words what you want? Please Clarke. What do you want from me?” Bellamy closes in on her... entering her personal space near the edge of the counter top. Mere inches from her body. 

  
Clarke looks trapped for a fraction of a second- like a butterfly beating against glass-then she takes a deep breath and letʼs it all go.

  
"I want you. THIS. us. I want a shot at normal, gesturing around the room of the kitchen. I want a life, Bellamy, that is about more than death and the worst that people can think to do to one another. I just want you." she looks up at him through her damp eyelashes. Tears threatening to spill over.

  
"Sounds like were on the same page then" he says, his voice low, his whole face alight, beaming down at her with a megawatt smile she was longing to see. He cannot help but love this frustrating woman with all his heart, even when he tries not to. Even when she is being this stubborn. This aggravating. Clarke laughs, sniffling to cover the small sob that threatens to escape her throat. "I want that so much Bellamy” she finishes looking up at him longingly. “What do we do now?” she asks soft and nervous biting her lower lip. There is a long pause and Bellamy looks at her lovingly. Gaining some inner courage himself for what he wants to do next. 

“Should we just shake on it?" Clarke asks sheepishly, smiling nervously.

  
"We definitely could...or" Bellamy's eyes twinkle a bit- zeroing in on her mouth with his eyes. Moving in slow to touch the side of her face lightly. 

  
"Or" teases Clarke, with a hopeful lift of her eyebrow, as a smile breaks out over her face to mirror the one warming her partners eyes.

  
Bellamy's attention lingers on her lips for a second, before his gaze travels back up to meet hers, warming her cheeks as he goes. "I could definitely kiss you" he suggests, tentatively, reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her skin. 

  
"Mmmm, she grins" or I could "kiss you" she says challenging him- eye contact unwavering.

  
"Seriously? laughs Bellamy. "You're gonna argue about that too?" he smiles. Clarke shakes her head, still smiling as tears run down her face. "No," she whispers hoarsely, squeezing his hand. "Please just love me Bellamy" Clarke whispers. Bellamy moves towards Clarke until he is clasping her forearms at her elbows. “That, I can do Clarke” he lowers his forehead to hers, they sway slightly, blinking, breathing, regarding one another at this new proximity. Basking in the overwhelming feeling of finally being able to get this close. He wipes a lingering tear track off her cheek with his thumb, restoring her perfection.

  
"This is it," he whispers moving across to kiss her other cheek. "No backing out now. You're all in with me?” he remarks timidly. Curious and cautious still given the circumstances. 

  
Clarke slides her fingers across his palms, flexing them until she can interlock them with his own, weaving them together. "I don't want out, Bellamy" she whispers, reaching up to place a kiss just outside of his mouth. "I want in," she promises, gently brushing her full lower lip against his. Bellamy presses in for a kiss he has been longing for, over a hundred years in the making. They move their mouths in unison, growing bolder with every swipe of their lips against each other. Both moaning softly- deepening the kiss even more. Clarke felt like she was opening up her soul to Bellamy in that moment. He was pouring every emotion into this kiss, gently winding his hand underneath her hair line, just above her neck, curving the angle of her chin with his thumb. It was the kind of kiss that was so intoxicating your brain can't handle much of anything else. They only broke apart when they both needed to breathe, Bellamy briefly basking in the image of her heavy lidded eyes. Clarke opened her eyes, looking deep into his, one hand gripping his hair, the other grasping his jaw, and pulling his body closer to her own, wanting to be as physically close to Bellamy as possible. Bellamy was lost in the feel of Clarke around him, finally able to touch her, feel her, taste her, he was rotating swiftly around Clarkeʼs gravitational pull.

  
Just then Clarke felt Bellamy tighten her fingers in the palm of his hands and bring them between their bodies- splaying his fingers wide on her abdomen- pushing her in deeper towards the corner of the counter top applying direct pressure where she wanted him most. Clarke surprised herself with a sharp intake of breath, gasping- a feeling that follows the pleasant sensual invasion of his touch. It's like a metaphor for all the ways he's eased himself into her life, even when she thought she didn't want him there. The head and the heart worked in tandem. He seems to know what's good for her, especially when she doesn't. This is a truth that will take Clarke some time getting used to even now for a woman as self-reliant and in control as she. But she knows she needs him. Can no longer live without him.

In the next heartbeat she is enveloped in a tight embrace, a hug, the likes of which she has never experienced before- it's tender and careful as much as it is fierce and strong, possessive even. She reaches out to slide her arms around his back, grasping his shoulder blades, her face pillowed against his chest. And as she listens to his heartbeat beneath her ear she tucks her face tenderly into the side of his neck- breathing deeply- a gesture that somehow feels like finally coming home. Bellamy is her home.

  
"So, how many bedrooms does this house actually have?" Bellamy asks cheekily, kissing the crown of her head. Clarke was permitting herself to feel what it was like to finally be loved by this kind, generous, brave, and strong man on a whole new intimate level. She was ready for the next step, no longer afraid of what was to come. No longer afraid to take the leap. He would be there to catch her.

  
"Just enough for a growing family" Clarke whispers back, smiling warmly up at him. Her cheeks blushing a deep shade of red.

  
"You mean...all of us together under one roof" Bellamy closes his eyes thinking of what their future holds, murmuring into her temple. Touching the side of her face with his fingertips. 

"All of us together under one roof Bellamy," Clarke promises fiercely.

  
"That sounds really good to me Princess" Bellamy says smiling down at her radiant face. Touching her forehead with his own once again.

  
“I love you so much Clarke” Bellamy hums softly into her skin closing his eyes.

  
“ I love you too” Clarke whispers back smiling, beautifully free of any remaining fears or doubts, ready for the next chapter of their lives. Amazing what a little communication can do.


End file.
